Spanish civil war, not anymore!

15 years ago i was in a garden full of pink flowers reading the story of spanish civil war, my dear lover bob, who was still alive, sitting next to me smoking and playing guitar, I told him, one day we will go to spain together, and that time will be ours, where we are not few, but we are all. its our time then, i said to bob. he fell asleep on my first anarchist book – emma goldman collection. And in the next 6 months, bob killed himself, i left this garden full of pink flowers, passed the book to next kid, move on with my life and crashed a few nice building. came back taiwan and crashed my own life with a self-made bomb, homeless, no friends, no money, no respect from the world. life is beautiful and unexpectful, and full of shit the same time! what are you expect from an anarchist minded person? a revolutionary life?

15 years after, i had read all the emma goldman, and been to too many protest, actions, too many fights against capitalism, even arguments of what is anarchism, who is anachist, built a few collective, left a few collective, built a few network, failed a few network, contribute too many zines, read too many things that i should, study too many of marxism like how anarchist shouldn’t. its life.

And its truth all the anarchist who are not from spain, and who are not anarcho primitivist had sort of a crush on Spanish civil war and CNT. Its true, we are too crazy about the old time, becuase we werent there, and anarchist are tend to be romantic, see this revolution full of love, full of engergy, passion and endless future is ours and ourself-managered life. Everything is possiblie and we are possible. This is anarchy.

But then really, what is anarhcy?

It is a middle class life, where there is no class, becuase for middle class they dont suffer in the class struggle, their world is beautiful becuase they dont understand authority patriarchy and hierarchy, they tend to be offended eazily because they are classy, they always have money to buy all their anarchy gear or if they skip, its till very stylish, and always have nice/well-sewed patch claiming their anarchy-identity. This is anarchy noadays. they read so many different books and sometimes they have a nice bike with all punk band/anarchy sticker on it, this is anarchy in modern world, I admit i have some fanitize with some of these anarchist boys, beautiful and charming, i like color black and like to see people in all black, have beautiful patches of anarchy, tall/skinny and fashionable anarchy hair style, that makes great picture, with a black/red flag would plus!

But besides a good picture, what else?

This is anarchy, this is all the anarchism have left in the world today, everything is over-commericalized, so we forgot how to act like oursleves, we lost the ability to know what we really are, but everything we do you can find it in Anarchist Q&A. everything they say we like, I like, everything they say we do, i do. everything they say we are not, i am not. If they say we throw a molotov, then i throw a molotov. and if we do direct action like how it explain, i do it like who it was told to you in the page. this is anarchy.

life is more than a sheet?

life is not more than a sheet, only when we can live out of it, we can be free, and only when all can get thro it, we can get thro it. You cant really live in a freedom world if capitalism still exist, that’s the bloody fact.

So basically i got all the reason to come to CNT in Spain and break all the lies, to tell the truth from my own eye, break the fetish of all the fantizied of how an anarchist flag should be wave/hang on the building.

The first day as anarchist in CNT.

I had been in CNT in 2007, in Madrid where we had to cross a nice beautiful hall and walked up to the 4th floor(or is it 2nd floor?), i remembered my heart was beating so strong when i was in the square(i forgot the name of it again) looking up and seeing this CNT banner hanging outside the balcony, it was like a big recall of the time of spanish civil war, where i was there, I am here! The first time of meeting the CNT was great, even tho I didnt understand anything they say and have trouble communicate, but it was just everything i want. This time, i had the chance to visit this place with all the CNT documents, sort of a spanish/CNT museum, with the poster from the 30’s, CNT member card from the 30’s 40’s 50’s… the spanish civil war seemed to come alive in there, where you feel like if you blink your eyes you will see some one there coming alive from the 30’s and explain you everything, anything.

Nothing is more excited when the first time holding the CNT flag in a march, where you see so many black/red flag, its mixed of feelings. Its like you are finally here to be where you should be, for so many years i was never holding any flag in any protest, becuase of not feeling belonging to anything. fighting in labor strike but feel outcast. CNT is your sindicato, and CNT is my sindicato?

Reality

I came from anarcho punk movement, where everybody looks so pretty and nice, we have everything in black, and something in red, we have this star that cross colored, I like meetings for actions, it felt like you are super important, and its always new family members, people talk you in, you are in forever and never be left out for nothing.

Spain is different, Europe is different, where you can be an anarchist from the age of 3, not brainwashed by anything, simply, easily you can be an anarchist from your very personal life.

And in CNT people doesnt really wear in all black, which is nice, it made you feel a bit real, they are normal people like your old neighbors and very socialized kid next door, this is a real world with anarchist. You thought an anarchist Union would be different, but it is not, and of course it is not, its workers and its struggles. I like how CNT is like, even tho many of other anarchist complain abt them. Its a problem with anarchist and anarchosyndicalismo who doesnt talk to each other and be two group who doesnt see any futher of connections. Altho I like this sort of criticize between two, only i wish they talk more. I came from the stree with all the anarcho punk kids, and waving some flag of red/black was never a fashion but a progress for me in this time of my life.

So in japan, they asked me: are you an anarchist or autonomos?

in Spained, they ask me: are you an anrachist or anarchosyndicalistmo?

in UK, they asked me : are you an anarcho primitivist or anarcho-syndicalist?

in Indonesia, they asked me :  are you a Libertarian marxism or anarchist?

And i have not yet been to Philippines, but maybe, just maybe when i go there, people will ask me : are you a situaionist or an anarchist?

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1 Comment

  1. All of these labels. The problem with most anarchists is they’re too concerned with being individualists and being cool. They don’t know how to be part of a movement because they’re ideology doesn’t have any room for compromise and they can’t relate to the odrinary working class people who struggle to support their families while working their asses off all of their lives in this rigged capitalist system. Capitalism is failing, but anarchist-minded people need to start making alliances other groups on the left so that we can finally gain some ground politically. All the modern anarchist movement has created is a system of competitive consumerism. They want to separate from the mainstream left-wing movements and be somehow special. We’re all in this together.


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